Kind lady.

I’ve been thinking about this blog and my patterns with writing for it. I always write at the end of the day. My days start early, between 4 and 5 a.m. and I typically sit down to write at 7:00 p.m. My brain is tired. I’ve noticed I am more free and open with what I write earlier in the day. Sometimes I’ll read something I wrote in the morning at the end of the day and it feels very vulnerable and I get a little uncomfortable. And then there’s a day like today when I was doing a lot of manual labor and driving and a couple of really great blog post subjects came to me. But by the time I sit down and write, I can’t access those ideas any more. It’s like they’re just out of my reach. So, I think I’m going to try to write at different times during the day and see what happens. Hey, it’s my blog, I guess I get to do what I want with it.

A couple of random thoughts.

1. I heard Girl You Know It’s True by Milli Vanilli on the 80s channel today. I looked up the year – 1988. That song still holds up!
   I’m in love, girl 🎶
   I’m so in love, girl 🎶
   I’m just in love, girl 🎶

2. I am someone who is just now, at 44 years old, realizing how very, very hard I am on myself. It is my default reaction when I make a mistake, or let someone down, or let myself down. It’s like I have a belt and I keep lashing myself, but it’s in my mind. It’s torture. It’s violent. It’s mean.
I don’t want to be this way. I want to be gentle with myself. I want to expect less of myself. I want to give myself a million breaks. I’ve recently taken some steps towards that. But you know what? It’s fucking hard. It’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks. But, I know it’s possible. Our brains are really flexible. So I keep going. The voice of the meanie quiets down and the voice of the kind lady speaks up. Over and over again.
Pay attention to the kind lady.

Thanks for reading today’s entry in my daily blog.  My goal here is to practice noticing. I try to write about small things and I try to keep it light. Sometimes I write about creativity or healing. And sometimes I write about my dogs or what I cooked for dinner. Writing daily here is a way for me to shine a light back on my life and help me see.

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