How not to be a fixer

Something happened in my son’s life last week. I was angry. I was ready to go full mama bear. It wasn’t fair. I wanted to fix it. I wanted to do something.

When I feel this energy come up inside of me, I know I need to do some deep breathing and come back to myself. Breath in, breathe out. What’s really going on here? What is this feeling?

I want to protect my son from pain.
I don’t want him to struggle.
I don’t want to feel the uncomfortable feeling inside myself when I see he’s in pain and struggling.
I want my kids to float through life in a constant state of ease. I want them to be happy all the time.

Hmmmm…now I know the real issue.

Pain and struggle are a huge part of life.
Your job as a parent is to be the rock for your kids when they are in pain and struggling.
Your job is to be the comforter.
You are the teacher of tools to deal with the struggle.
You are the giver of unconditional love.
You are the constant reminder that life is okay on the other side of this.

I want my kid to work through this on his own, with me supporting him. I want him to know that he is capable of dealing with this.

You’re right, this totally isn’t fair. Life is not fair. My pain and struggle have taught me so much. If I insert myself, I take away an opportunity for you to grow. I want you to have the confidence that this will be okay. I want you to know that the power always lies inside of you and your power is in the way you let your mind look at this situation. What are you learning? How can you pull something good out of this? How can you accept that ya, this sucks, but I will get through it because I am strong and capable?

Sometimes it’s about not doing something, and letting the power find its rightful owner.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s