Sunday, January 31, 2021

I spent a couple of hours cleaning this morning. I really don’t like cleaning. But, who does, right? I will procrastinate every damn time. But, when it’s done, I am so happy. I love the feeling of a clean house.

Christian went down to the pond first thing with Mike and cleared the snow off the ice with the snowblower. Gramma got Wes a new pair of ice skates for his birthday and let him open the gift early. He and Thomas spent most of the day skating on the pond. Even Charlie went down and skated too. Mike built a fire and Christian cooked some steak in his cast iron skillet. Thomas’ Nana came to visit and brought everyone brownies. I stayed home.

I went out for a walk looking for my coyote friend. I came upon a human couple on the trail. They asked me if I got my mittens from Bernie and we laughed. I walked down by the pond. The fire was still smoking and the sun was setting. Everyone was gone home by now. As I walked up the hill to head back home, I grabbed the sled the kids had left behind. I wanted to get it up by the barn so it didn’t get buried under the snow coming tomorrow. I made it to the top of the hill and it hit me – I’m totally going down. I didn’t expect to make it all the way out on the ice!

I do struggle a bit with what I want to share on these daily posts. I love remembering the little things that happen during the day. But right along side the daily happenings, there’s the deeper stuff. I wonder, is here the place to share? I’m not sure. For example, I could have told you more about that second paragraph. I could have told you how I beat myself up because a good mom would’ve hung out with her family on a perfect winter pond skating day. And I could’ve told you how I’m having trouble staying grounded. And that when I’m lost, I retreat into myself until I get my bearings again. And how sometimes it takes longer than I’d like to admit. And how I beat myself up for that too.

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