A friend was telling me how she had gone outside her home late the night before just to take in some nature right in her backyard. It made me think about how I always forget to go outside. I get caught up in my head and my to-do’s and fall into Pam the figure-outer. When I snap myself out of that and get out of the house, I get the feeling of Ohhh. Yup. Now I remember.
When I was in a dark place, I had completely forgotten. I began to take make some changes, learning how to take better care of myself. There started to be these little moments. At first they barely registered. But then I started to notice them more. And then I started to do the things to try repeat the feeling I got in those moments.
All I needed was to start to recognize the feeling. There was something about that feeling. It was a remembering. A knowing, in my body. A knowing even before my mind knew.
A remembering. And I could come back. I could always come back.
The reminders can be anything.
200 feet into the woods, when I can feel by body relax.
Laughter
A movie
A book
When the wind picks up and I feel the air blowing through my hair.
Earlier today when Our Lips are Sealed by The Go-Go’s came on the car radio and I turned up the volume and rolled down the windows and was brought back to listening to my little radio in my childhood bedroom.
Maybe that’s what this entire healing process is. A coming back. I will need a million reminders, every day for the rest of my life. And It’s up to me to build a life that makes it easier to to come back.
You are feeling the connection. You are feeling God. You are feeling energy. You are feeling Mother Nature. You are feeling the universe.
Whatever you want to call it, it’s coming through you to show you the truth.
And the truth is you are loved. Just as you are.
It’s the remembering of the connection. It’s not looking outside of ourselves to find it, but remembering that we can always look within to feel it.
You’re just always bringing yourself back to what’s already inside of you. And what’s inside of you is love. Always has been, always will be.
You just needed the reminder.
(Another reminder for me is the way Gracie Lou’s body gets completely still and her eyes lock into mine while she begs for food. The reminder is in her eyes.)
Thanks for reading today’s entry in my daily blog. My goal here is to practice noticing. I try to write about small things and I try to keep it light. Sometimes I write about creativity or healing. And sometimes I write about my dogs or what I cooked for dinner. Writing daily here is a way for me to shine a light back on my life and help me see.
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Pam Moore Gainer 