A true woman

There was once a little girl. She lived in a house next to the woods. She loved her dogs. She loved to read and listen to music and make things in the quiet of her bedroom. She loved to sit under trees with low hanging branches. She loved laying in the grass and exploring the woods. She loved the feel of the breeze on her face and in her hair. She loved the sound of peepers at night outside her window as she lay in bed. 

There once was a little girl.
She wanted to make her parents happy. She was self sufficient and well behaved. She was a good girl.
She wanted to make her teachers happy. She got all A’s and was quiet in class. She was a good girl.
She wanted to make her friends happy. She followed their lead. She was a good girl. 
She wanted to make her boyfriend happy. She followed his lead. She was a good girl.
She wanted to make her boss happy. She become indispensable. She was a good girl. 
She was a good wife.
A good daughter.
A good daughter in law.
A good mom.
A good citizen.
She was a very good girl.
And she was lost.

There was once a woman. She lived in a house next to the woods. She loved her dogs. She loved to read and listen to music and make things in the quiet of her office. She loved to sit under trees with low hanging branches. She loved laying in the grass and exploring the woods. She loved the feel of the breeze on her face and in her hair. She loved the sound of peepers at night outside her window as she lay in bed. 
And she was found.

I went out for a ride yesterday through the backroads of my town. I listened to music and let my thoughts wander. The Bronco’s top was off and the sky was blue. It’s a hard feeling to put into words, that moment when you feel like you are getting a glimpse of yourself.  But it’s so fucking powerful.  I want a life that’s full of this feeling.

I haven’t been writing on here lately. I realized this spring that I had ventured into good girl territory with my blog. What started as something for me, morphed into something that wasn’t for me. That’s the work of a lifetime for a good girl, noticing when she’s lost and learning to find herself again.

I know that some people reading this won’t understand. And I know that some reading this will understand deep in their soul.
I’m learning that’s what is so interesting about expressing yourself – you simply don’t know, and you can’t know, how your Self will be received. A good girl is always trying to be received well. A true woman is just trying to see herself, over and over again.

And from now on, that’s what I’ll do.